Hello again, dear blog

Many years later, and I found this place again, so surprised it still existed. A familiar old place with old thoughts that eventually led meto the point where I'm at now. A place of immense growth, happiness (as well as some dark nights of the soul), curiosity. There's no fog around me anymore, clarity, but still some hesitancy.

What I've been enjoying lately is:

• Crocheting, man I wish I found this sooner. I have been so frustrated that knitting is so difficult. Ever since I found out that I'm a manifestor in Human Design (January 2021), it all makes sense! I just need to get my creative urges out quickly. They are a force that lasts for a while only. Crocheting is easy, beautiful and makes me feel good.
• Absolutely loving the community feeling on Instagram. Somany lovely soul connections have been born there (or did they already exist from beforehand)?
• Spending quality time with family, either in person, through texting, oice messages and phone calls. Family means the world to me.
• Knowing that I have this home base where I can retreat back to from my adventures. I've realized that I need safety, but I also need adventure.

Joshie

Josh Groban's christmas album Noël is what spins around in my head in a nice and cozy manner. Found deliscious gingerbread cookies dipped in orange flavoured dark chocolate, and what else fits better to that than a cup of sweet and spicy chai tea? Enjoying and longing...

Will we do more than just connect?

This song has rooted itself so deep into my mind, it has so much soul in it. Can't stop singing it on the bus when nobody can hear, or when walking through the city. A real feel good tune, and how it inspires me! I have a project growing in my mind, plus thoughts of joining a gospel choir - because of this song!

One of the finest quotes

"I am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love." - Carrie Bradshaw

Deep green forests

I'm in Dream-Ville, (--> classical autumn bubble); a place where the present doesn't exist very much. I dream of the past and the future, currently about how I would want to reside in my motherland, by the lake living the simple life with activities such as chopping firewood, mowing the huge lawn, picking blueberries and lingonberries, visiting my lovely relatives, gazing over the lake after a visit to the sauna...

Risk

When things pile up in your brain, all you can do is wait for it to flush out again. There will be big waves, crashing to the edges, until the wates finally escapes out to sea. Right now, it's piling up. And there is no time to actually reflect upon it, so I am actually expecting a big flood at some point soon. What helps in these moments: make all sorts of plans with your girlfriends, there are no complications, just friendship, no grande expectations. Oh by the way, I need some fresh air.

Loss

A reaction doesn't always come immediately when there is a loss of a family member. I learned that. The first time it hit me, it took about 10 years for some kind of reaction to come. This time, it took 24 hours until the tears really poured from my eyes; until I saw the picture in front of me, he isn't with us anymore. And in that moment when you do realize, you don't want to believe it (note that I write "you" whereas in fact I mean "me"), and that is when the panic arises. "I will never be able to hear his jokes again, or his singing from the basement, or his silence while gazing out from the kitchen window". It is a difficult situation in life, when it comes to accepting death, and it is a heavy topic indeed. Punto.